But eventually I had to admit a disturbing reality in my heart: I am not jealous for God's glory. I love knowing God. I love worshipping, meditating, praying, studying Scripture, even writing songs to Him. I also make efforts to share the gospel out of a sense of duty and out of concern for the unconverted. But when I encounter people who seem to live and breathe for God's glory among the nations... it just doesn't resonate in my heart like it should... like it has to.
And so I had to pause. I'm not going to attempt to psychologize about why I've lost my jealousy for the glory of my Lord. What I will do is seek God's face and by His grace start cultivating from now on that essential jealousy. Now I see how incomplete my notion is of what it means to be intimate with God! Enjoying a loved one is only one aspect of love. Another aspect is caring about the things that are close to the beloved's heart.
Thank God for the prophet Elijah, King David, Ligon Duncan, John Piper, CJ Mahaney, Isaac Watts, Charles Wesley, Lecrae, the early Church, friends like Frances Bocobo, and a long list of other people whom the LORD in His mercy has set before me to expose my selfishness. He loved Jesus too much, and He loved me too much to do otherwise.
Please pray for me, and if you're stuck in the same rut, leave a comment so I can pray for you, too. I know I'm not the only one, and I also know that God in His faithfulness is taking us from glory to glory.
O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer's praise
The glories of my God and King
The triumphs of His grace!
My gracious Master and my God
Assist me to proclaim
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Your name!
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