Ways Men Lead That Encourage Women, Part 3

“In what ways do men show leadership that encourages you as women?” That was my question to some sisters I interviewed a number of weeks ago. This post picks up where the second one left off, enumerating and reflecting on their responses.

Previously…

1. Initiating Substantial Discussions

2. Making Firm Decisions

3. Owning Up to the Consequences of Our Decisions

4. Correcting When Needed

5. Encouraging Lady-like Behavior

6. Being Consistent

7. Taking Leadership Roles in Ministry

Our sisters would love to see us take leadership roles in ministry. In fact, some would say it's discouraging if only women are working. They feel there’s something missing. That should be both encouraging and challenging for us men. It reminds us that, under God’s wise plan for manhood and womanhood, we really do have something unique to contribute as men.

At the same time, men who own up to their God-assigned roles in the church also protect sisters from two temptations: being prideful about their greater devotion to the ministry, and looking down on men (which will subtly but effectively lead them to despise God’s plan for manhood and womanhood).

8. Being Patient & Concerned

What about when a sister is behaving poorly (for whatever reason), what can guys do that’s helpful. Each of the women I asked gave different answers. Guys, we’re on our own here. Just kidding. The general idea was that they appreciate it when we are patient and show genuine concern for them. Try to find out what’s really bugging them, if you can.

And here’s a special tip from the ladies: start with a kind gesture like food or coffee. Even candy would be better than nothing! (A sister tried this on me once by buying me ice cream before confronting me about something. I appreciated the gesture, but it had less effect on me as it seems to have on them!) But in the absence of any and all comfort items, said one sister, just create an encouraging environment. Ask, listen, and try to remember what they say.

9. Discipling Others

Lastly, it encourages our sisters to see guys leading younger guys in discipleship. It’s great to be consistent in leadership. But it’s even better to develop leadership in others.

Conclusion

Let me end this series with something from Albert Mohler’s book, Conviction to Lead:

The Believers are driven by deep and passionate beliefs. They are heavily invested in knowledge, and they are passionate about truth. They devote themselves to learning truth, teaching truth, and defending truth. They define themselves in terms of what they believe, and they are ready to give their lives for these beliefs.

The problem is, many of them are not ready to lead. They have never thought much about leadership and are afraid that thinking too much about it will turn them into mere pragmatists, which they know they shouldn’t be. They know a great deal and believe a great deal, but they lack the basic equipment for leadership. As one proverbial deacon said of his pastor, “Oh, he knows a lot, but he can’t lead a decent two-car funeral procession.”

Brothers, may this encourage us to grow in our leadership. Not only would it please God, but it would make our sisters in Christ very happy!

Ways Men Lead That Encourage Women, Part 2

“In what ways do men show leadership that encourages you as women?” That was my question to a group of sisters I interviewed a number of weeks ago. This post picks up where the first one left off, enumerating and reflecting upon their responses.

3. Owning Up to the Consequences of Our Decisions

As important as it is for men to be decisive, it won’t mean a thing it we don’t own up to the consequences of our decisions. Even the best of us make mistakes, and when we do, our sisters will gladly stand behind us as long as they know we won’t run away or blame someone else. They’ll joyfully support a leader—as flawed as he may be—who’s willing to bear the cost of leadership.

4. Correcting When Needed

Another uncomfortable side to leadership that we need to take on (and that women appreciate us taking on) is the responsibility to correct, them when needed. Of course, this presupposes that we ourselves welcome correction.

One of the ladies I interviewed recounted a good example of this. A man in a group she was part of corrected one of the women. He was very firm yet gentle. He didn’t shoot accusations at her, but began by asking her questions. “I felt her defensiveness,” recalled the sister, “but he pointed her to God's Word.” The man’s demeanor and words also showed that he was motivated, not by pride, but by genuine concern for the woman.

5. Encouraging Lady-like Behavior

The sisters I interviewed also appreciate it when brothers encourage them to act like ladies. On one hand, that includes reminding them to be composed when they’re being noisy and unruly. On the other hand, it also involves showing our care for them by helping even with even menial tasks.

So men, help them with their bags. Open doors for them. Be concerned for their safety. If that sounds like servanthood, that’s because it is. None of that is beneath a true servant-leader (Php. 2:5-11).

6. Being Consistent

Biblical leadership doesn’t come naturally. Most men don’t even want to lead. When they do, it’s often short-lived.

But the sisters have words of reassurance for those of us who really are trying to grow into our God-given roles as men: the effort is appreciated. Even the small things we do are important to them. They’re not looking for perfection. What they are looking for is a pattern. The key is consistency. And the proof of consistency is when we keep leading even when leadership is least gratifying.
Men, let’s be reminded that without consistency, they have no reason to trust us (1 Tim. 3:6, 10; cf. 1 Ki. 20:11).

More in the third and final post in this mini-series...

Ways Men Lead that Encourage Women

Leadership is a privilege and responsibility that all men have from God. Many won't hold positions of public leadership, but they're still called to lead in the private sphere (Eph. 5:23)

It seems like everybody's talking about leadership nowadays. But ironically, many consider the idea of biblical manhood (including male leadership) passé, even oppressive. That's due in part to a radical misunderstanding of what kind of leadership God has called men to exercise. Let society think what it will. Our first concern should be what God commands, and He commands men to exercise leadership.

Some time ago, I asked some of the young, single women of Higher Rock (heretofore referred to as 'the sisters') to enumerate ways that men lead that encourages them. Below are some of their responses. (I'll include the rest in a later post.)

1. Initiating Substantial Discussions

The guys and gals are enjoying dinner together. The conversation is light and full of laughter. It could go that way all evening, but many young women (and sensible young men) would really appreciate something more substantial, and it would be great if one of the guys steered the conversation in that direction. This might involve talking about last Sunday's preaching, or sharing news about the ministries of the church, or swapping prayer concerns.

When men deliberately do this, they show that they're intellectually mature enough to think about such things. When they do it in a skillful and engaging way, they also show that they're socially mature enough to do so.

When men do this, it also gives women the opportunity to fulfill their own roles in supporting godly leadership.

2. Making Firm Decisions

According to the sisters, it's encouraging when men make firm decisions. These include things ranging from ministry decisions to where to eat. We should be able to think clearly, make good decisions, and not be easily swayed by others.

Mind you, "decisive" doesn't mean "stubborn". What's the difference? The decisive man is considerate of other people's concerns, and shows that he really has understood and valued them. His attitude is completely compatible with Christ's model of servant-leadership.
What if, after all this, the sisters still disagree with the decision? Then it would help, they say, if he explains his reasons. One sister explains,

Though it's not required for leaders to always explain their decisions—and yes, it's valid that sometimes the obedience needs to be immediate and calls for trust on our part—but there's something to be said for communicating to us [women], and not just having a master and servant relationship. Rather, if you [men] want us to know how to support you even in ways you didn't articulate or think of, it benefits a lot to communicate your reasons and thinking. For me knowing how you reason and what factors were weightier to you not just builds trust but it also helps me know you and anticipate what's important and therefore even more quickly take cues and support [your] leadership. One can't assume that just because you're being asked about your reasons that it is equal to being scrutinized or assessed but rather we want to know how you thought about it and have a better grasp of your priority and goals so that we might come alongside and not just be utusan but actually be able to help think and support. We each can't read the other [person]'s mind. Of course, us asking about your thoughts shouldn't be conditional to our willingness to support. That has to be clear on our part.

On the rare occasion that the two sides still can’t come to an understanding, according to the sisters, it’s enough to be reassured by the man’s character, his track record. This should remind us that it’s crucial for men to establish a pattern of sound reason that is firmly grounded by Scripture and upheld by prayer.

More on this in the next post.

4:12 Series - Jonathan

(The following account is taken from 1 Samuel, chapters 13 and 14. At some points, I paraphrased the dialogue and added some elements that were not explicit in the original account. My purpose was to make the story easier to read and to highlight certain things, while trying to retain the meaning and context of the historical account.)

The Young Commander

Jonathan, the young prince of Israel, was only a teenager when his father, King Saul, made him a commander in the army. ¹ Though the law required only men 20 years and older to enlist², Jonathan wasn't looking for an excuse. He was the kind of man who went above and beyond minimum requirements because he wanted his life to count for God.

During this time Israel was virtually ruled by the Philistines -- a rich and warlike nation. They controlled the production of iron, and made sure that Israel couldn't produce their own weapons. But the LORD wanted his people to take back the Promised Land, and He commissioned King Saul to do it. So Jonathan took his poorly armed, poorly trained men, and defeated a Philistine garrison at Geba.

Crisis at Michmash!

When the Philistine lords heard of it, they were livid! How dare these pathetic Israelites rise up against them! They amassed an army that covered the land like the desert sands, with thirty thousand chariots and six thousand horsemen. They marched confidently into Israel and encamped at Michmash.

When the Israelites realized what they were up against, their hearts melted, and many ran! Some hid in the hills, others in caves, some in tombs or cisterns, hoping to escape the slaughter that now seemed inevitable! Others fled to the lands across the Jordan River. It was every man for himself!

Soon, Saul and Jonathan were left with only six hundred men whose loyalty and courage hung by a thread! What's more, Saul and Jonathan were the only ones with proper weapons. The rest had only farming tools like plows and axes.

Young Jonathan had every reason to be afraid. But he was angry, too. He couldn't stand that these ungodly Philistines were terrorizing God's people! He wanted to see the God of Moses, who drowned Pharaoh's army in the Red Sea; the God of Joshua, who made the sun stand still! Who were these Philistines to mock the LORD?

So, as his father and the other commanders worried and argued over what to do next, Jonathan came to a resolution...

A God Tougher than Steel; A Faith Stronger than Fear

One morning, he gathered his courage and told his armor bearer³, "Come with me to the Philistine garrison."⁴ It was a crazy suggestion. But Jonathan had always been a good judge of character, and he had chosen his comrade well. The armor bearer hesitated for a moment. But the look in Jonathan's eye was enough to convince him.

The pass to Michmash

They slipped out of the camp and made their way up the pass. Rocky crags towered over them on both sides, and up ahead loomed the Philistine garrison. This would not be like Geba. Now, it was just the two young men against the largest army Israel had ever seen!

As they approached, Jonathan paused, and turned to his armor bearer. "Let's go. The LORD doesn't need a big army to save Israel. If He wants to, He can do it just as easily through us."⁵

"Lead on. I'm with you all the way!" came the trembling but firm reply.⁶

When the Philistine sentries spotted the two youths approaching, they smiled. Hoho! We're going to have fun with those two idiots! they thought.

Minutes later, they were dead. Jonathan and his armor bearer mowed through twenty of them like grass! The other Philistines quickly went from shock, to horror, then to sheer panic as they fled into the camp. The two Israelites had the strength of gods!

The earth began to shake violently, and the army was thrown into chaos. The commanders tried to keep everyone in line, while others fought their way out! Some of the men were ethnic Hebrews, and they decided that the only way to save themselves was to turn on the Philistines.

Through Jonathan's faith and courage, God made the proud Philistine army collapse in on itself! The men who had marched so haughtily into Israel, expecting to squash God's people like a fly, ended up fleeing with their tails between their legs!

When Saul and the other Israelites saw what was happening, they rallied and drove the Philistines clear out of Israel's territory.

God had done the impossible! And He did it with two trembling young men, whose zeal and faith were greater than their fear.

Footnotes

¹ In some Greek manuscripts, 1 Samuel 13:1 reads, “Saul was 30 years old when he became king” (cf. NASB). That would put Saul at 32 or 33 years old at the Battle of Michmash, which indicates that he fathered Jonathan at a very young age (early teens).

² Numbers 1:3.

³ An "officer selected by kings and generals because of his bravery, not only to bear their armour, but also to stand by them in the time of danger." Easton's Bible Dictionary.

⁴ 1 Sam. 14:1 - "Come, let us go over to the Philistine garrison on the other side." (ESV)

⁵ 1 Samuel 14:6 - "Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the LORD will work for us, for nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many of by few." (ESV)

⁶ 1 Sam. 14:7 - "“Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and soul."(ESV)

A Picture of Christian Ministry

 2 Corinthians 4:7–15 (ESV)

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. ⁸ We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; ¹⁰ always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. ¹¹ For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. ¹² So death is at work in us, but life in you.

¹³ Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, ¹⁴ knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. ¹⁵ For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

The Apostle Paul wrote Second Corinthians because there were false teachers in the Corinthian Church who were slandering Paul so they could take control of the church. Paul had to defend his ministry, and he did it by showing the Corinthians what ministry is really all about.

Paul's opponents were intelligent & attractive, charismatic, eloquent and cultured. By worldly standards, these men were ideal leaders.

But Paul knew that ministry is about the way of Christ. And the way of Christ is the way of weakness, the way of the cross. Yes, God empowers us to serve Him, but in such a way that we have to keep relying upon Him.

A Jar of Clay

He chose Paul, whose personality (not character, but his appearance and style) was unimpressive, especially when compared to the false teachers in Corinth. He also allowed Paul to continually experience hardship, opposition, sadness and disappointment. No wonder Paul referred to himself as a jar of clay. (Tag. "banga")

Why? So that Paul would continually rely on God.

• He didn't pursue worldly comforts, but rather, relied on God simply to meet his physical needs.
• He didn't rely on earthly credentials or polished communication skills – although he was not completely lacking in these things. Rather, he relied on the Holy Spirit.
• The proof of his apostleship was not “letters of recommendation” from high-profile leaders (2 Cor. 3:2), nor was it in “racking up the numbers” in terms of ministry funds, projects accomplished, or people converted. Rather, the proof of his apostleship was the Corinthian believers. They were few and flawed, but their lives had been unmistakably transformed by the Holy Spirit through the gospel of Christ.

Power & Weakness In Ministry

By observing God's work in and through Paul, what can we learn?

• Real ministry displays power. But not power in the world's terms. The world has very little power compared to God, but it flaunts every bit of it while it can, in order to impress itself. But ministry unto Christ displays God's power to forgive sinners, transform them into godly men and women, and preserve them unto eternal life.
• Power in ministry isn't meant to display the extent of God's power, but the quality of it. God isn't interested in having more adherents than the world's religions and philosophies. He, by divine right and according to His infinite wisdom, has chosen to save but a few. And yet, every instance of salvation is a little sample of how wonderful and gracious and absolutely unique God's power is. Only God can convert a soul. Only He can keep a soul. God lets the world flaunt its meager power in order to contrast it with His own. He's not out to display the extent of His power. He's already done that in creation, and He'll do it again one day when He establishes His kingdom on earth. By His decree, the world is under the power of the evil one, but his rule is temporary and provisional, and God makes His absolute rule clear every time He saves a soul.
• As ministers of Christ, we need to accept weakness and hardship because that's how God means to display His power in us. He wants us to depend completely on Him. So, we should be continually be in an attitude of prayer.

When In Doubt...

"You know, something that's been on my mind lately," I started, "is how God really does move in mysterious ways."

We were just coming home from the usual Sunday dinner. I was sitting in the back of the SUV and Pops and Mums were in front. I was hoping to stir up some spiritual conversation.

"I've been looking at the life of David. Most people know David because of the David and Goliath story..."

Many Christians also know that David became the greatest king of Israel. But how many know what his life was like before becoming king? 

http://www.jesuswalk.com/david/images/tissot-david-slings-the-stone-1009x1500x300.jpg

DAVID'S EARLY LIFE

From boyhood to old age, David walked with the Lord. He was born about 1040 B.C., to Jesse, the grandson of Ruth. He was the youngest of 8 sons. And his “chore” was to watch over his father's flocks of sheep, which he did faithfully.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, David's laid back, provincial life was disturbed when the nation's leading prophet, Samuel, showed up at his father's house and anointed David as the next king of Israel! And we read in 1 Samuel 16:13b,

“... And the Spirit of the LORD rushed upon David from that day forward.”

DAVID'S MILITARY CAREER

Through a series of events, David went from being a “promdi” that no one had heard about, to being one of the most respected leaders in Israel. He was able to defend Israel from her long-time oppressors, the Philistines, and other hostile countries. He helped King Saul establish the kingdom and restore order In Israel after more than 300 years of chaos rampant sin.

At first, he was the favorite of King Saul. But as God blessed David with more and more success, Saul became more and more jealous and paranoid. Even though David was Saul's best and most loyal servant, Saul was blinded by his pride and selfishness. Eventually, he tried to kill David, and David was forced to flee for his life.

DAVID IN EXILE

At various times, David was in exile in the desert, or moving from town to town trying to avoid detection by Saul's servants, or camping out in the grasslands. At one point, he became so desperate that he even fled to the Philistines! Imagine that!

How long was David on the run? Considering the following data.

• Saul was king for 40 years (Acts 13:21)
• David was only a "youth" when he defeated Goliath (1Sa 17:33). That probably means he was leading Saul's troops into battle even in his teen years! (1Sa 18:5)
• David ascended to the throne when he was 30 years old

Given this information, we can conclude that David was on the run for at least 5 years, maybe even more!

What dark thoughts must have plagued David's mind and weighed down his heart during these difficult and trying years! Thank God for the Psalms, which record David's prayers in his times of deepest distress. From them, we see a man who was honest to God about his pain, yet continued to stand on His promises.

GOD MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS 

Sometimes we may feel like life has taken an unexpected and horrible turn for the worse. And it's a sad reality for sinners like us that we lose confidence in God's wisdom and love. I think that's why God is so straightforward in His Word that He often treats his best servants in ways that most people would question, or even balk at. He wants us to know that it will all be alright in the end, because everything we're going through is all part of His sovereign plan.

Why do many believers have to go through such painful and seemingly senseless suffering when God could make things better with a snap of His finger?

Why did God put David through such difficult and "unfair" circumstances?

The answer to both of these questions is simple but profoundly difficult for impatient, comfort-loving creatures like us to accept. The answer is that we simply don't know why. At least, not completely. Sometimes we see the purpose in God's providence, but often we don't. And yet, God wants us to trust Him anyway.

And we certainly can, because "He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?" (Romans 8:32) God's ultimate proof of His love and faithfulness toward us is the cross.

So let's kill our selfish ambitions and patiently wait for the Lord to unfold His plan in His perfect time.