Ways Men Lead That Encourage Women, Part 2

“In what ways do men show leadership that encourages you as women?” That was my question to a group of sisters I interviewed a number of weeks ago. This post picks up where the first one left off, enumerating and reflecting upon their responses.

3. Owning Up to the Consequences of Our Decisions

As important as it is for men to be decisive, it won’t mean a thing it we don’t own up to the consequences of our decisions. Even the best of us make mistakes, and when we do, our sisters will gladly stand behind us as long as they know we won’t run away or blame someone else. They’ll joyfully support a leader—as flawed as he may be—who’s willing to bear the cost of leadership.

4. Correcting When Needed

Another uncomfortable side to leadership that we need to take on (and that women appreciate us taking on) is the responsibility to correct, them when needed. Of course, this presupposes that we ourselves welcome correction.

One of the ladies I interviewed recounted a good example of this. A man in a group she was part of corrected one of the women. He was very firm yet gentle. He didn’t shoot accusations at her, but began by asking her questions. “I felt her defensiveness,” recalled the sister, “but he pointed her to God's Word.” The man’s demeanor and words also showed that he was motivated, not by pride, but by genuine concern for the woman.

5. Encouraging Lady-like Behavior

The sisters I interviewed also appreciate it when brothers encourage them to act like ladies. On one hand, that includes reminding them to be composed when they’re being noisy and unruly. On the other hand, it also involves showing our care for them by helping even with even menial tasks.

So men, help them with their bags. Open doors for them. Be concerned for their safety. If that sounds like servanthood, that’s because it is. None of that is beneath a true servant-leader (Php. 2:5-11).

6. Being Consistent

Biblical leadership doesn’t come naturally. Most men don’t even want to lead. When they do, it’s often short-lived.

But the sisters have words of reassurance for those of us who really are trying to grow into our God-given roles as men: the effort is appreciated. Even the small things we do are important to them. They’re not looking for perfection. What they are looking for is a pattern. The key is consistency. And the proof of consistency is when we keep leading even when leadership is least gratifying.
Men, let’s be reminded that without consistency, they have no reason to trust us (1 Tim. 3:6, 10; cf. 1 Ki. 20:11).

More in the third and final post in this mini-series...

Ways Men Lead that Encourage Women

Leadership is a privilege and responsibility that all men have from God. Many won't hold positions of public leadership, but they're still called to lead in the private sphere (Eph. 5:23)

It seems like everybody's talking about leadership nowadays. But ironically, many consider the idea of biblical manhood (including male leadership) passé, even oppressive. That's due in part to a radical misunderstanding of what kind of leadership God has called men to exercise. Let society think what it will. Our first concern should be what God commands, and He commands men to exercise leadership.

Some time ago, I asked some of the young, single women of Higher Rock (heretofore referred to as 'the sisters') to enumerate ways that men lead that encourages them. Below are some of their responses. (I'll include the rest in a later post.)

1. Initiating Substantial Discussions

The guys and gals are enjoying dinner together. The conversation is light and full of laughter. It could go that way all evening, but many young women (and sensible young men) would really appreciate something more substantial, and it would be great if one of the guys steered the conversation in that direction. This might involve talking about last Sunday's preaching, or sharing news about the ministries of the church, or swapping prayer concerns.

When men deliberately do this, they show that they're intellectually mature enough to think about such things. When they do it in a skillful and engaging way, they also show that they're socially mature enough to do so.

When men do this, it also gives women the opportunity to fulfill their own roles in supporting godly leadership.

2. Making Firm Decisions

According to the sisters, it's encouraging when men make firm decisions. These include things ranging from ministry decisions to where to eat. We should be able to think clearly, make good decisions, and not be easily swayed by others.

Mind you, "decisive" doesn't mean "stubborn". What's the difference? The decisive man is considerate of other people's concerns, and shows that he really has understood and valued them. His attitude is completely compatible with Christ's model of servant-leadership.
What if, after all this, the sisters still disagree with the decision? Then it would help, they say, if he explains his reasons. One sister explains,

Though it's not required for leaders to always explain their decisions—and yes, it's valid that sometimes the obedience needs to be immediate and calls for trust on our part—but there's something to be said for communicating to us [women], and not just having a master and servant relationship. Rather, if you [men] want us to know how to support you even in ways you didn't articulate or think of, it benefits a lot to communicate your reasons and thinking. For me knowing how you reason and what factors were weightier to you not just builds trust but it also helps me know you and anticipate what's important and therefore even more quickly take cues and support [your] leadership. One can't assume that just because you're being asked about your reasons that it is equal to being scrutinized or assessed but rather we want to know how you thought about it and have a better grasp of your priority and goals so that we might come alongside and not just be utusan but actually be able to help think and support. We each can't read the other [person]'s mind. Of course, us asking about your thoughts shouldn't be conditional to our willingness to support. That has to be clear on our part.

On the rare occasion that the two sides still can’t come to an understanding, according to the sisters, it’s enough to be reassured by the man’s character, his track record. This should remind us that it’s crucial for men to establish a pattern of sound reason that is firmly grounded by Scripture and upheld by prayer.

More on this in the next post.

Three Traits of a Life that Matters (Psalm 78)

This is Part 3 of the series "Fools Rush In: Learning from the Wisdom Psalms". See the links below to read the other parts.

Psalm 78 teaches us that we can build a life that matters by trusting God, remembering His works, and obeying Him.

Trusting God

The Israelites had major trust issues when it came to God. In fact, we all do!

But trust makes us receptive to God’s work and prepares us for fruitful service. God is building an everlasting kingdom in and through us. But we pull back from this privilege when we stop relying on Him (Psa. 127:1).

How can we know that we’re trusting in God? One of the indicators is a vibrant prayer life.

How frequently, and how much time do I give to prayer? How much does God’s Word direct my prayers? Do I commune with God, or just go through a grocery list of petitions?

Remembering God's Works

There’s a saying, “experience is the best teacher”. Our knowledge of anything is abstract until we actually experience it ourselves.

That’s why the Lord didn’t just tell the Israelites about who He was and what He was like; He also showed them by signs and wonders.

God gives us more than true statements. He also gives us a story, a history, that we can point to and say, “Behold, this is God, my God, and this is what He did for me!”

The Israelites were prone to forgetting what God had done for them in the past (Psalm 78:11, 42). As a result, they lost their direction. They rebelled against God, strayed from him, and betrayed him (Psa. 78:17, 36, 57).

God intended for them to be a powerful and glorious nation, one that reflected the power and glory of God Himself! Butby rejecting Him, they forfeited this privilege.

When God heard, he was full of wrath, and he utterly rejected Israel, He forsook his dwelling at Shiloh, the tent where he dwelt among mankind, and delivered his power to captivity, his glory to the hand of the foe. (vv. 59-61)

We need to remember God’s works so that we learn to trust Him. “Remembering” means more than recollecting past experiences. How we interpret those experiences matters.

They spoke against God, saying ‘Can God spread a table in the wilderness? He struck the rock so that water gushed out and streams overflowed. Can he also give bread or provide meat for his people?’ (vv. 19-20)

Technically, the Israelites remembered that past experience. But they didn’t learn what God wanted to teach them.

So, let's pray along these lines: “Lord, help me to understand what’s happening around me, and in my own life. Help me to see things with the eyes of faith and to trace Your hand in all of these things!”

Obeying God

If we really trust the Lord and remember His works, then we will obey!

When he killed them, they sought him; they repented and sought God earnestly. They remembered that God was their rock, the Most High God their redeemer. But they flattered him with their mouths; they lied to him with their tongues. Their heart was not steadfast toward him; they were not faithful to his covenant. (vv. 34-37)

There are a lot of people who give lip service to God, but their actions betray them. There are many examples of them in Scripture, and they’re not the ones whose lives mattered.

Maybe one of the best examples is King Nebuchadnezzar. He had several encounters with the four Hebrew wise men: Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah. God even dealt with him personally, when as punishment for his pride, God made him temporarily insane. He praised God afterwards. But what happened after that? Did he walk in obedience to the Lord after that? Apparently not. He remained unchanged. His kingdom remained unchanged. He was the most powerful man who had ever lived up to his time, the pinnacle of human significance. But time proved that even he, and men like him, have only temporary significance, not eternal significance. They are like grass... The great kingdom of Babylon is long gone. We only remember it now as a symbol of worldly power and wealth that stands in opposition to God.

Brethren, nothing will ruin our usefulness and our prayers more than withholding obedience from God, than sinning willfully. So let’s walk in integrity, and repent of all our known sins, so that our prayers won’t be hindered.

Conclusion

Psalm 78 exhorts us to trust in God, to remember His works, and to obey Him. In return it promises a life of eternal significance because it is bound up with God’s eternal kingdom. Do our prayers reflect a commitment to these things? Do they reflect a thirst for the things of God, and a yearning to be free from the influence of our flesh, the world, and the devil?

Grass or Trees? (Psalm 78)

This is Part 2 of the series "Fools Rush In: Learning from the Wisdom Psalms".

Would you read a book about the history of grass? Or what about this, would you like to be known as a one of the most significant figures in the history of grass? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that nobody cares, right?

The really interesting thing is that the Bible says that man is like grass, and all of his glory is like the flower of the field (Isaiah 40:6). That puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? People say that we’re living in historic times. Years from now, world history teachers will be talking about Barack Obama, the pro-abortion movement, the LGBT rights movement, and now, the presidency of Trump – all things that have blossomed in this generation. From a human standpoint, they’re truly historical! And yet, all of this is just the history of grass as far as God is concerned. Whatever influence all these so-called “world movers and shakers” have is insignificant by God’s standard. You see, God isn’t interested in building something that will last for the next hundred years, or even the next thousand years! God is only interested in building what will redound to His glory for endless ages. That’s God’s standard for significance. That’s the time span we should all have in mind when we’re talking about a life that matters.

So even as the world is making a big fuss over Trump’s election, and other such secular happenings, let’s devote ourselves to the very things that the world dismisses as foolish and useless: the things of God, and of Jesus Christ, and of the Holy Spirit. Because when the last day comes, and heaven’s record is opened before the Great Judge, it is God’s work in and through His people that will be shown to be truly important. And that's precisely what Psalm 78 helps us do.

[READ: Psalm 78:1-11 and Psalm 78:67-72]

Psalm 78 has two main purposes. The first is to exhort God’s people to faithfulness (Psa. 78:7-8). The second is to explain why God chose David and his descendants to rule Israel. The reason is that the tribe of Ephraim was unfaithful to the LORD, so He rejected Ephraim and raised up the tribe of Judah instead. And from the tribe of Judah, he chose David.

Ephraim vs. Judah

At the end of the book of Genesis, Joseph brought his two sons to be blessed by Jacob. Although Ephraim was the younger son, he received the greater blessing than his older brother, Manasseh (Gen. 48:20).

In the period of the Judges, the tribe of Ephraim began to asserts its power among the tribes. In Deborah's Song, they're called the "root" of those who fought against God's enemies, the Amalekites (Judg. 5:14). On separate occasions, they argued with two of Israel's judges for not being called upon to defend Israel (Gideon, Judg. 8:1-3; and Jephthah, Judg. 12:1).

Ephraim also opposed King David. After the death of his predecessor Saul, they supported Saul's son, Ish-bosheth (2 Sam. 2:8-9). Later, they assisted Absalom in his coup attempt against his father David (2 Sam. 18:6).

Ephraim’s opposition to the godly men of Israel became even more prominent after Solomon’s reign. Because of Solomon’s unfaithfulness, God split the kingdom into two. The Southern Kingdom remained under Solomon and his descendants, while the Northern Kingdom came under Jeroboam, an Ephraimite (1 Kings 11:26). Jeroboam then made Bethel, an Ephraimite town, the religious capital of the Northern Kingdom (1 Kings 12:33). But the Lord wasn’t worshipped at Bethel; idols were. From then on, Ephraim represented Israel’s religious apostasy.

In short, Psalm 78 highlights Ephraim because it represents all the sinfulness and idolatry of Israel as a whole. In contrast, Judah represents the minority among the Israelites who remained faithful to the Lord. In the end, Ephraim, and the other Israelite tribes that followed it, faded into insignificance, while Judah became the tribe of the Davidic kings, and ultimately, the Messiah.

Grass vs. Trees

Here’s another thing to keep in mind: just as those who were faithful to the LORD were often the minority, they were the more significant ones. We often equate size and power with significance – whoever has the larger numbers and the bigger stick is the more significant one, right?

But God’s Word tells us that even the most powerful men throughout history are just grass. They are the most significant grass in the world! (Isaiah 40)

But the righteous, we are told elsewhere in Scripture, are like a tree planted by streams of water (Psalm 1).

Most people want to have lives that matter. So they follow trends, they do what’s “relevant”. They value what everyone else values! From a human perspective, that’s really common sense. There’s safety in numbers, especially if those numbers include the elite members of society. It’s that simple.

But Psalm 78 tells us, No! Do you want your life to matter? Then forget what the world says, and pursue God!